The Launch of Lawyers in Love

Hey there! If you are finding this website, I guess it means that you are either a friend already, or perhaps you stumbled across it out there in cyberspace while either "looking for love [or a reasonable--or perhaps not-so-reasonable--facsimile thereof] in all the wrong places." Maybe you are a lawyer, frustrated with your current romantic relationship, or a law student lamenting the lack thereof. Perhaps you had the good fortune to marry a lawyer, but have been wondering lately just how good that fortune really was. I wouldn't be surprised if you were a lawyer married to another lawyer, and you have just found yourself pulling your hair out for the umpteenth time trying to find ways to meaningfully address significant issues in the relationship, without having the conversation devolve into an escalating verbal barrage of arguments, counterattacks, deflections, and evasions.

However you may have landed here, I am glad you are here. My name is Chris Osborn, and I practice construction and employment-related litigation in North Carolina. This blog is intended to provide food for thought to all of us who have ever dared to attempt to be in a meaningful romantic relationship with another person, while still courting the "jealous mistress" that we all know the law to be. My only credentials for writing this blog are these:

* I have been around the block in both realms--having been married 16 years and having practiced law for 14.

* I have made more than my share of hapless mistakes in both my marriage and my career. I very nearly ruined one by being too argumentative and selfish, and the other by being too passive and weak-willed. (Can you guess which goes with which? :-) )

* By the grace of God, a Higher Power, Providence, or just some funky cosmic quirks of the universe masquerading as divine intervention, I have been through really hard times in each aspect of my life; yet I have not only survived, but in fact have been shown (and, I would say, given) a way to thrive and grow in each. Through the wisdom, courage, perseverance, and faithfulness of many trusted friends along the way (and a professional or two when needed!), I have found a way to, as one friend once put it to her lawyer-husband, "put away the legal pad" when talking with my wife. I have had to unlearn a lot of communication habits and styles of relating that have both been instinctive, and also well-trained, as they are my stock-in-trade as a litigation attorney. Slowly, and sometimes painfully, I have been discovering a new and different way to interact with my wife that has not only stopped some of the madness that we frequently fell into (I wish I could say "all of the madness," but I am not sure that is realistic for any of us!) , but also improved our communication, trust, intimacy, and peacefulness in the midst of the inevitable chaos of family life to a degree that I never would have dreamed possible.

* And finally, and quite simply, I am willing to write about my failures, and the lessons learned along the way that have finally begun to bear fruit both at the office and at home. I do this in order to keep myself grounded, to remember where I have come from, and to stay mindful of where I might easily fall again. But I also write in the hope that you, the reader (if there are any of you out there) might benefit from reading about my miscues and ham-handed efforts.


In short, I am a fairly ordinary guy with a fairly ordinary law practice, but I am just crazy enough to pull back the curtain on the stage of my life and demonstrate the truism of the title of a recent book, Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them. You'll be invited to peek in on my wife and myself, as well as other married lawyers who have made it a good ways down the road, as we describe years we spent unlearning and learning how to love one another deeply and from the heart. My hope is that as you do so, you will see glimpses of your own relational journey. If nothing else, perhaps you will get a sense that you are not alone in having poured out or suffered (or, typically, both) streams of reflexive, hyper-defensive justifications and appeals, in a desperate attempt to draw out of your partner things that, in the deeper recesses of your heart, you really wish that he or she would give you willingly and selflessly--without your even having to ask. And maybe you will draw courage--both to deal with your own part in handicapping (or even wrecking) the communications process, as well as to humbly pursue your heartfelt desire for more than the same old patterns and breakdowns, but with a dignity, confidence, and respect that compel a meaningful response.

Simply stated, my aim is to provide you with perhaps a small glimmer of hope that that real change in destructive relationship patterns is, in fact, possible--even if you ARE a lawyer or, worse yet, already married to one. :-)

Now, I cannot tell you that such change is easy. Indeed, I have no idea of the particular challenges that you and your spouse or significant other may face. But I can attest that the self-examination and processing with trusted friends necessary to pursue that change is nevertheless worthwhile. I hope somehow that this blog will encourage you to persevere in whatever efforts you are making towards deeper fulfilment in your practice and home life.

Along the way, I'd appreciate anyone's feedback, questions, and particular insights, so feel free to leave a comment or post. But let's keep the commentary honest, dignified, clean, and mindful of the interests (and the interest!) of others, if anything like that does take place.

More soon...